50 SHADES OF GREY made $248-million its opening weekend.

Its success was not so much the popularity of S&M, than it was the sad state of women. If S&M were the allure, then the 2002 masterpiece, SECRETARY, starring Maggie Gyllenhaal, would have done much better. So then, there is obviously a larger and more important societal issue at play here. Why do women flock by the millions to novels and movies like 50 SHADES OF GREY? Why are they so drawn to stories of discontent, doe-eyed heroines who meet fantastical, sexy, powerful, Bruce Wayne-like, prince charming, fuck gods who rescue these heroines from their miserably ordinary lives? These types of movies are to women, what STAR WARS and STAR TREK are to nerds:

 50 SHADES OF GREY
 BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY
 SABRINA
 PRIDE & PREJUDICE
 PRETTY WOMAN
 THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR
 TWILIGHT

Are women so unhappy in their real-life romantic lives that they must find their Romeo vicariously in novels and films, rather than taking active steps in their lives to seek him out and meet him in the flesh? Are so many women with a boring loser who would rather watch the ballgame rather than fuck their brains out regularly? Maybe. So, if your girl was all hot to see 50 SHADES OF GREY, should you be worried? Yes.

Perhaps, we see a similar dynamic at play with nerdy, cheesedick poindexters who instead of approaching women and saying hi, they instead replace those thrills with sci-fi movies, video games, and online porn. Like the aforementioned women, rather than taking proactive steps in their pathetic lives, they instead live vicariously through the main character of a movie, trying desperately to fill the void. Perhaps, we are seeing two sides of the same coin. Thus ladies, if your man is all hot to see the next STAR WARS, should you be worried? Not really. It’s not like if your STAR TREK nerd could do better.

So be it. Who are we to judge? Just pointing out the obvious, or not so obvious. The Art of Story has been filling the void in humanity’s heart for thousands of years. We all have our favorite tales, plays, novels, and films for a reason. As McKee says, story is a metaphor for life. What’s your metaphor for life? Coldrock’s is SIREN MOON. The novel is coming soon. The graphic novel will follow shortly thereafter. May it fill a many voids.